Burnout

Moving Through a Creative Slump

I’m Burnt Out

I’ve been pretty busy the last 2 months.

I’ve taken on exhibition projects and I’m also creating a series of fan art for an upcoming artist alley event.

Fan art is one of my favourite things to create. I feel so much joy when I get to paint recognizable characters, or to try my hand at a complex scene from a series I love.

Yet, despite my adoration, these last few weeks have felt frustrating, like I’m wading through thick muck. My critical thinking is slow, I’m tense at my desk, and the art I’ve managed to put out so far has felt subpar.

I hit my final straw last week, I had been working on this character’s portrait for days, and when I finally stepped back I noticed that there were some significant issues with it.

Smacked with the realisation that I either had to grind for possible hours to fix it, or trace it onto tracing paper and try again, a wave of disappointment crashed down on me.

It was so many hours of work, and there was a possibility I would just have to scrap it.  

My studio doors have been closed since.  

Writing has been hard, art has been impossible, and I feel resentful of myself when I try to do anything creative.

This is how burnout feels.  

When it hits, it is debilitating, life can feel hopeless.

Which is why I have to remind myself, that burnout isn’t the end, it’s a sign to slow down.

Why Am I Burnt Out?

With any mental strife, we have an opportunity to become still, and to to analyse our experience.

Why am I experiencing burnout after focusing on something that brings me so much joy?

The reason, is pressure.

When I create original pieces, there is no line of success, I make what I make and the end result is what it is once I’m satisfied.

With fan art there is a right and wrong way to do it, and people from the fandom will inevitably notice if you get something wrong or present something inaccurately.

I have been unconsciously telling myself not to screw it up, a very quiet voice has been keeping me in check by being a vicious critic.

I really care about getting these details right, and I also want to present the characters in a way that brings joy to people when they recognise it.

Regardless, I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself to get it right.

Understanding why I was feeling burnt out is important to finding a path forward.

But that doesn’t mean charge right back in.

Walk Away

Before I knew what I was feeling or why, I had to walk away.

A few days went by, I tried picking up my sketching stuff, only to sit on my bed and stare at it for about an hour before admitting defeat.

The weekend came and I decided that I was going to have a complete break from all the projects I was working on.

Instead, I spent most of my time playing video games and chilling with my housemates.

I listened to music and ate nice food, ultimately I tried to forget about everything.

Monday morning comes, I’m feeling depressed and anxious and my gut is twisting up inside me at the thought of painting.

It was clear I still wasn’t ready, so I did not push myself.

I tried to relax, to breathe, be still and mindfully talk to myself about what was going on.

Eventually, I had the realisation that I was putting too much pressure on myself.

I loved making fan art, that’s why I chose to do this project.

What’s the point if I’m making it a life or death situation?

Clarity was showing me the way, now I just have to move forward.

Remember the Sparks that Ignited the Flame

I still can’t face this project, though my mind is more open to thinking about art again.

Lacking motivation, I had to get in touch with the “why”, the reason I chose to live my life creating.

So I fall back on my creative rocks.

Listening to the music that lights up my mind.

Watching the videos of other artists who are living through the same beats as myself, and feeling so inspired by their style and creative passion.

Reading about the other artists making waves in articles from Colossal.

Making room to watch animation and other films.

Burnout is the flame dissipating, it has to be reignited.

Its about getting in touch with what brings you joy, what makes you want to get up the next morning.

You have to remember why you love it, and you gotta believe it.

That being said, its not about jumping right back in, or forcing yourself before you’re ready.

Its about starting small, doing something fun, enjoyment is the purpose.

It might take a while to get back into the swing of things.

And that’s ok.

Burnout is Never the End

Burnout sometimes feels like losing your gift, or your touch.

I feel burnout after every commission, I feel burnout when I’m creating something very specific like a gift, and I feel it with projects and challenges I’m excited about.

This tells me that its probably to do with my inner critic, the expectations I place on myself, losing sight of why I’m doing this in the first place.

I find myself thinking about Kiki, the beloved little witch from Kiki’s Delivery Service.

Her burnout terrifies her at first, what if she’s lost her magic forever?

It’s a very relatable feeling, and her artist friend even expresses having felt similar at times in her life, describing instances where she couldn’t paint a thing.

She advises Kiki to just stop thinking about it, do something else, find fun things to do for a while instead.

She tells Kiki to get her mind off it.

After feeling the love and appreciation of her friends and having the power to intervene in a terrible accident, she is finally able to fly again.  

Sometimes you just have to stop, take a breath, and be kind to yourself.

It will be ok.